The Birth of a Mean Grumpy Mommy

The Birth of Mean Grumpy Mommy, written by me on a bad day sometime during the rainy season of 2006, found New Years Eve, 2007 (almost 2008) in the draft section of said Mommy's email.

Today my kids learned about the birth process. Not your typical "birds and bees" speech, or even involving babies, per se. This was a birth stemming from mean grumpy children and a mommy who had just had enough.

First there is the mean grumpy 3 year old that decided to stay up nearly all night. Not because she is a baby, confused by night versus day. Not because she was sick. For no reason, really. She just wanted to goof. She goofed in her room, walking around and playing with toys. She goofed in the bathroom, with the toilet and sink. She goofed back and forth, back and forth, slamming doors as she went and turning on lights, and turning off lights.

Then we have the not so mean and not so grumpy (today, at least) 8 year old. This poor guy is picked up late from school by the mean grumpy mommy that had a mean grumpy teller at the mean grumpy bank and had to wait a very mean and very grumpy half an hour to make a simple photocopy of a birth certificate and social security card. However, this child has been mean and grumpy on so many occasions this week alone, that he cannot be excluded from the mean grumpiness that persisted in this house today.

So, mean grumpy mommy did not get much sleep, and then had the mean grumpy and very tired 3 year old all day. As the rain pelted down, as it had been doing for the past 3 days (or 2, but who can remember?), the mommy just wanted to close her eyes for a few minutes and make the pounding in her head stop. Enter 3 year old, stage left. Mean Grumpy 3 year old wants attention. She wants something to do because, although mommy got out 5 different activities, she is still bored. "I'm bored...I want something to do!" is all mommy hears in a shrill yelling voice from 2 1/2 feet off the ground. Then mommy is pelted with books (the corners really hurt!) as the shrill yell gets more shrill and even louder "READ TO ME!"

The actual birth of mean grumpy mommy started here. Mommy went postal. Mommy probably should be committed. Mommy opens her eyes, sees her arm scraped up from the book corners, sees the 3 year old throwing things, sees the 8 year old on the computer, sees the mess all over the house from where her 3 (yes, husband included) children have left their junk all over the house, even though mommy just cleaned thoroughly yesterday.

Mommy grabs the vacuum screaming "I'm vacuuming. ANYTHING left on the floor or out of place is gonna be sucked up!" The 3 year old screams, but the 8 year old bursts into action, grabbing all of his stuff and running upstairs with it practically before the sentence is out of mean grumpy mommy's mouth. The little one sees the big one and follows suit. Suddenly books are flying from the floor to the couch. All mommy says is "the books go on the shelf. I will vacuum the couch if I have to" and suddenly the books are on the shelves again.

"I will also go on the stairs, so don't leave your toys there unless you say goodbye first...and if I see stuff on the floor in your rooms I will be sure to vacuum there, too!"

Wow. Silence. The living room is picked up, the kitchen is picked up. The kids are upstairs trying to quickly salvage their toys. Mom sweeps in peace, head still throbbing.

Enter January, 2008. All Mean Grumpy Mommy needs to say now at the start of trouble is "do you really want to see Mean Grumpy Mommy?" and things get done.

Usually.

Well, mostly.

Ok, sometimes. Mean Grumpy Mommy still makes her random appearances.

(ok, 2 days ago she came, but her stay was a brief 1/2 day).